


Phoenix Down

by LadyRamora



Category: FFXIV, Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Other, angst and feelings, bitter WoL, talk of forbidden magic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-13
Updated: 2015-07-13
Packaged: 2018-04-09 02:01:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4329549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyRamora/pseuds/LadyRamora
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It started when you buried him.<br/>An inklinkg of thought in the back of your mind.<br/>What you would do to have him back. If only you could bring him back. What if you could?<br/>Haurchefant x WoL</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The chaptered WIP unveiled. This story does not start off very happy, I'm afraid. We'll see what happens as the story moves along.

Phoenix Down

It started when you buried him.  
An inklinkg of thought in the back of your mind.  
What you would do to have him back. If only you could bring him back. What if you could?

When you speak to Hildibrand again, you curiously ask what he thought brought him back. He blinks at you before laughingly saying he thought it to be some sort of magic spell.

Magic. A spell. You nod with an absent smile, turning away and missing the worried look between inspector and assistant. 

When you leave Matoya's cave a thought strikes you. There must be a book in The Library that can help you. You're already looking for one book, what's one more in the long run?

You don't find the book. It finds you. It falls off a shelf, flipping open on its own. To the spell you need. Against your better judgment you take it with you. 

Matoya eyes you as you wordlessly hand her book over. When you turn to leave afterwards, she stops you. She says she knows you wouldn't leave without letting her unscramble the script of the other book you carry. It isn't much use to you otherwise. 

You tense. Will she take the book? Try to stop you? She doesn't. She does however offer ominous parting words. "Those are heavy magicks you seek to use. They come with even heavier cost." 

You understand.

You can't get something for nothing. Magic has a price. You think an even trade is fair.

His life for yours.

If only they give you time with him. Time to offer all those apologies built up inside. To touch him. To show him how much you care. All the things you didn't get a chance to do. 

Y'shtola is waiting for you outside. Before she even speaks you realize she knows. Someone has found out and told on you. You suspect Hildibrand. Perhaps his clever assistant. 

For all the help they've needed in you, they're surprisingly sharp to catch on to the breadcrumbs of your plan. You didn't realize you were that transparent. Mayhap your grief and desperation shows too much. 

Her eyes are milky, but all seeing. "You cannot do this, my friend." She murmurs. "Magicks such as these are not to be trifled with. Do you not see? I dallied with forbidden magic and paid with my eyes." 

You smile sadly. Shaking your head you tell her without words you are willing to pay much more.

She is stricken. "You mustn't!" She cries, horrified. "You are the Warrior of Light, you cannot do this! If you are gone who will fight for those who cannot protect themselves? This is selfishness on your part of the likes I've never seen! What has gotten into you?" 

You look down with a furrowed brow. What, Indeed. How dare you, honestly. How dare you have feelings. Want something of your own for once. Need someone to stand by you. Really, how dare you. When you lift your eyes to hers, they are like stone. Selfishness, she says. 

You know she can sense aether as clear as you can see with your own eyes. You wonder what yours is telling her as she steps away from you, her eyes wide. 

"You really mean to do this then?" Her face is pinched. You nod. She pauses, looking always looking but what is she seeing in you. "But you will see the end of this war? Before you act, that is." You sigh and nod again. 

You will wait if you must. 

Warrior of Light, you think with a scoff. Is it a title that you've earned? Or perhaps shackles built to keep you. Keep you obediant. Pliant. Keep you doing what they wished you to do.

These thoughts are bitter in your mind, sick like poison that drips from grief of loss. You know he would not approve of these thoughts. You push them back like salty tears. 

You turn away without another word. There are things you still need to do before you can bring him back. 


	2. Darkness calls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter has dark themes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I was working on In plain sight when the angst bug bit me. This chapter is sad and dark.

You had burned with such hatred. Craved revenge like never before, only for it to be snatched away from you at the very last moment.

"I will have Ser Zephirin's heart for what he did to Haurchefant." That is what you had said to his father. But what do you have now? Nothing. His heart is out of your reach. How you had wanted to bring it back to his father. To crush it with your bare hands. To rend and tear him to pieces like he had done to you. To your heart. 

You stand in the wake of the battle. You've come this far, losing two more friends along the way. Ysayle is gone. Sacrificing herself for all of you. For what? It felt like a needless death 

Estinien is a dragon. After all his struggle, his battle for control. He loses himself in Niddhog's rage. You fear you will not be able to save him this time. He's a dragon! How can you possibly turn him back? You feel hopeless. 

Haurchefant had called you Hope Incarnate.  
You laugh hollowly. If only he could see you now. You don't feel like much of anything. 

Midgarsormor appears to speak words you don't care to hear. You climb into the saddle on his back with great reluctance. You have nothing to show for this victory. Just more death. 

You fly all the way back to Ishgard. You make your entrance into Ishgard on Dragonback. Haurchefant would have gotten a kick out of that. There is much talk, before Midgarsormor offers ominous parting words. 

You feel rather bitter as Ser Aymeric signs the document to join the alliance with the other nations. Where had they been when the dragons were attacking Ishgard? When the Warrior of Light could have used their help? Hiding away. Protecting their own skin. 

You hope Ser Aymeric does not change. He has been a stout ally. You will need his help later. You will need his support when you dig up Haurchefant's grave. 

Everyone is celebrating, you think now as good a time as any to slip away unnoticed. 

You go to his grave. 

You halt in your tracks when you realize someone is already standing there. The flowers in your hand scatter on the ground as you drop them. 

It is the white robed Ascian.

You tense, hand poised to draw your weapon. The Ascian sighs, "Parting is such sweet sorrow, wouldn't you say?" You grit your teeth. The Ascian chuckles softly, "Ah, but you do not intend for it to remain such, do you?" You clench your fist, reigning in your rage as best you can. "What do you want," You snarl, eyes locked on his white robed back. 

"Oh, I merely wanted to warn you. You see, those people you had risked your life to save? Your..friends," he sneers, shaking his head in disgust. "They have all turned against you. You, their precious Warrior of Light, wish to upset the balance. To bring the dead back to life is a tall order, isn't it?" He runs a hand over Haurchefant's grave, his fingers grazing the broken shield propped against it. 

He hums softly, turning his head to look at you. "All this trouble for just one man? You must truly care for him." You stare him down, forcing yourself not to react to his taunting. It was what he wanted. To see you suffer. 

"Poor child. Poor sweet child," he croons, starting a slow circle around you. "Do you know what you will have to sacrifice for such a thing?" He gasps, raising his hand to his face in fake shock. "You don't, do you?" He tsks softly, chiding you like a child. "Why, your very light! You'll be using dark, forbidden magic, you see. Mother Hydaelyn will be so disappointed. But this time around? You will not be able to regain her grace." He stops in front of you, reaching out to touch your face. You flinch, glaring balefully. "You'll be in the dark," He leans in, staring deep into your eyes. "With me." 

You swing out at him wildly. He slips through your fingers like smoke, reappearing a small distance away. "Now now, there's no need for that. You really are such a violent thing. All you know how to do is fight, is that it?" He laughs richly. "Oh, I will teach such you things you've never even imagined!" 

You stare at him, horrified. "I will break your spirit. Moulding you into the most perfect Warrior of Darkness yet." You gasp. He pauses, tilting his head at you slowly ike some sort of bird of prey. "Oh? Did you not wonder what happened to the others just like you? You didn't fancy yourself one of a kind, did you?" He laughs loudly. 

"You did! How very sweet. No, my naive child, you are not something that is called once every time the last one dies. There are more of you. Or rather, there were." He grins slow and mean. "I collect them. The Warriors of Light. You see, you all fight for so very long. You lose friends. Like those Scions," He motions back towards Haurchefant's grave, "Lovers. Just like him," He breathes deeply, his face etched in some sort of ecstasy that deeply disturbed you. "You slowly lose hope. Feeling tired, underappreciated by the people who need you so badly. You ache for rest. Some, the sweet release of death. And I give it to them." 

He sighs softly, "You feel it too, don't you? Ah Ah, no need to deny it. I can see it. Swirling in your very aether. You are tired." He steps closer to you. You raise your weapon threateningly. He offers his hands in surrender, laughing. 

"No need for that. You're not ripe enough just yet. Still too sweet for my taste. Do you want to know what I did to them? What I will do to you?"   
You shake your head. You don't want to hear it.

"No? Too bad. You'll listen to what I have to say.That's your first lesson." You grip your weapon fiercely. It's the only thing grounding you. Everything he had said, you had felt some measure of. You don't want to listen. 

"You're so very tired when you give in. It's so easy to get in your heads. To make you relive every horrible thing that ever happened to you." You shake your head, feeling sick. "For you? I would make you relive the deaths of your friends. His death, most particularly. You give me everything, in your desperation to bring him back. All I need to break you is go through him." 

He turns away, staring up at the slowly darkening sky. "They give in eventually. They want it to go away. Those pesky emotions. So I give them what they want. I turn off their emotions. A clean slate, no pesky feelings to get in the way when I have a mission for them." He smiles wickedly, looking at you over his shoulder. "I turn them back on every once in a while. It gets boring without those tortured expressions you all make. The one you're making now." 

He stares into the distance behind you. "Hmph. It seems I've overstayed my welcome. They're coming to check on you. To make sure you haven't brought him back yet, I imagine. How very droll. I was just beginning to have fun. Ah, well. All good things must come to an end, yes?" He smirks, "After all, you will too." 

You hear a shout of your name, jerking your head in the direction you heard the call. When you look back towards the grave the Ascian is gone. 

You tremble, falling down to your knees. You feel nauseous. There's a poison inside of you. It's your own bitterness. If you let it control you... You shake your head. It doesn't bare thinking about. 

No matter what he said, you're determined now more than ever to bring Haurchefant back. If you don't. If you can't. You're afraid you'll give in. The bitterness, the ache of loneliness. It'll eat you alive.

A hand lands heavily on your shoulder, startling you so badly you lash out. 

Alphinaud lands on his back in front of you, rubbing his chest where you hit him. "Are you alright, my friend?" He gasps, reaching out for you. You surprise yourself when you sob. You grasp his reaching hand, crying softly and shaking your head. "I'm sorry," You whisper, rocking slightly back and forth. Alphinaud sits up, reaching his thin arms around you in a hug. You sob into his shoulder, gripping the back of his jacket.

"It's alright." He murmurs, rubbing your back gently. You shake your head. No, it's not.

But it will be.


	3. Intervention

"Man hath ever coveted that which lieth beyond his grasp. Art thou a pawn, or a master of thy fate?" -Midgardsormr.

 

When you return to Ishgard, there's an intervention waiting for you there. You walk into Fortemps Manor, emotionally exhausted. Alphinaud right behind you. You had opened up to him, just a little as you cried in his arms. But now, as you stare at the judgmental faces of the people who are supposed to be your friends, you feel your emotional walls slam back down. You won't let what they have to say hurt you. No matter what, you won't allow them the power to manipulate you. To stop you from doing what needed to be done. 

Everything you had done was leading up to a final moment. The moment when you bring him back. You can't let them jeopardize everything you're working towards. You won't. 

Y'shtola is standing next to a pallid Tataru. She looks at you with a sad pity in her eyes, you can hardly bare it. Out of all the people in this room, you had never thought Tataru would look at you like that. Where once there was warm camaraderie in Y'shtola's eyes, there is now only cold determination. To stop you. To keep him gone from your life. Dead; like all of the other Scions. 

You feel your sanity slipping more each day. The white robed Ascian was right, you won't last much longer. More of your friends die around you as time passes. You dread the thought that some day you will be alone. You know you will give in if that comes to pass. 

His father and two younger brothers stand huddled together, staring at you. "Is it true?" Edmont asks, stepping away from his sons. You merely look at him. "You wish to bring my son back from the dead?" 

You look down at the floor, debating whether it really mattered if they knew or not. The rumors alone would have them trying to stop you. No doubt Y'shtola has told them how unhinged you are by now. You nod your head. Several people in the room gasp. 

Edmont sighs deeply, his expression tight, "You would upset the balance? Sacrifice something great indeed, just to bring him back?" Again, you nod. Several murmuring conversations start at once. You block them out, focusing your attention on Edmont alone. "Do you intend to stop me?"

Edmont steps back, shaking his head, "I cannot. Though it is a selfish wish indeed, I too would give anything to have my son returned to me. I will do nothing to stand in your way."

You turn to his sons, "And you?" Artoirel is pensive, torn between decisions. Emmanellain shrugs, "Do what you must, old sport. I surely will not be one to stand in your way."

You turn to look at Y'shtola and Tataru, Alphinaud now joining them to stare at you in shock. "How do you intend to achieve such a feat?" Alphinaud asks, not berating you. Just curious. 

You touch a hand to your chest. The very same place that aches whenever the Echo grants you a vision, "My light. I heard somewhere, if I sacrifice that, I can harness the power to bring him back." You may lose your protection against the Ascians, but you will still have the power of the Echo. That much you do know. Midgardsormr had shown you that. 

Y'shtola and Tataru gasp. "Without your light you will be vulnerable to the Ascians! It is too dangerous! I cannot allow you to do this!" Y'shtola raises her voice, practically yelling at you. 

Tataru rushes to stand in front of you, arms spread wide against Y'shtola, "No! Please, don't hurt (her/him)!" She cries out. You stare at Tataru's back, her whole body shaking with fear for you. Tataru would not be able to fend off Y'shtola should the other Scion truly mean you harm. You reach out to press a comforting hand to Tataru's shoulder. She turns to look at you. Tears dripping wet tracks down her sweet face. You shake your head, you would never want her to put herself in harms way for you. Even if there was no chance of her being hurt at all.

"Why must you do this? No one has ever succeeded in bringing the dead back to life! What makes you think this time will be any different?" Y'shtola is calmer now. But you can still feel her disapproval hanging heavy in the air. She will not be one to let you do as you please. 

You furrow your brow, staring down at the floor. "If nothing comes of it, what will it matter? But, if it is? If I could just see him one more time. Tell him everything I wish I had told him before he..." Your voice cracks as you choke up. You stop there, feeling that if you say any more you will give away too much. When you look up into the faces of everyone staring, you think that maybe you already have. Edmont looks at you with eyes all knowing. He has felt the same pain you are feeling now. "You care more for my son than I had imagined. Did you not tell him, before...?" You close your eyes, pain twisting your face as you shake your head. 

"I see," His answering smile is sad. "Please know, whatever happens, should you succeed or should you fail, you will always have a place here. It is what my son would have wanted."

Artoirel frowns, "Father, you.." Edmont holds up a hand for silence. Artoirel goes quiet. "I know not what this sacrifice means. This light that you speak of. It is of great importance, is it not?" 

You can feel the stare of the other Scions boring into you as you nod your head. "It is."

Edmont frowns. "And yet, you would use this light? Something so valuable to your fellow Scions, to bring my son back? If you succeed in bringing him back, what will happen to this light that you carry?" You pause. Words failed you. You don't know the answer to this question. Because you don't know what will happen yourself. 

You settle for honesty. "I don't know." 

Edmont shifts forward, his hands tightening on his cane as he looks you steadily in the eye. "Leave us. I wish to speak to the Warrior of Light alone." There is much hesitation, but slowly the room clears of all people. Leaving only you and the Count. 

You wait patiently. It must be something of importance if he wished it to be heard by only you. He waits a few moments longer. To make sure no one is within hearing distance. 

"Your mind remains unchanged on this matter?" You nod. You've come this far. You're not at all likely to stop now. "Very well. I must ask that what I share with you not leave this room. Do I have your word?"

"You do." You motion for him to continue. "The grave that you visit so often. The headstone in the Central Highlands. Ah, yes. I am well aware how often you visit. I have many eyes in Coerthas. That grave that you visit so very often, it is not his final resting place." You frown at him, confused. "Then the coffin that we buried there...?"

Edmont sighs. "An empty one. It was merely for show. So the knights under his command could pay their respects. It is simply a monument built to honor him." 

You clench your fist, feeling torn. On one hand, all of the things you confessed there had been to an empty coffin. On the other, his true grave is safe from those who would desecrate it. But is that not what you were intending to do? You would have had to dig up his grave to bring him back. 

"Then the true location of his grave is a secret safe from those who would wish harm upon your house?" You ask. Finally settling on relief as your emotion of choice. 

He nods, a smile softening the hard edges of his mouth. "I knew you would understand my reasoning. His body is safely entombed in the Fortemps mausoleum. Just as his late mother's was. " 

You must have looked surprised. Edmont laughs softly, a sort of chuckle very reminiscent of his son. "You seem surprised. Though his mother was not a Fortemps in name, I loved her dearly. Though our time spent together was cut short due to her failing health, I cherished every moment I could steal away to bask in her company. " 

He looks down, his expression pained. "My son was a lot like his mother, you see. When he was still young; not only did he match her in temperament, but in features as well. It is why my wife detested the very sight of him. She once told me that to look at him was as if she were staring my infidelity in the face. Needless to say, she did not make Haurchefant feel welcome here."

You realize suddenly that you are crying. Edmont's eyes are kind as he offers you a handkerchief. You take it, wiping at your eyes before offering it back to him. "Keep it, my dear (girl/boy), it was one of his." You stare down at the tiny bit of cloth, noting the initials sewn into a corner. H.F. You fold it gently before tucking it into your armor, close to your heart. 

"I find it helps me to keep little pieces of things he once touched. Keep that one. I do believe it was his favorite," He shakes his head. "My son did form strange attachments, as was his wont to do. A bit of cloth. Hot chocolate, he was rather fond of that. Perhaps something he took from his mother. She was also rather fond of it." He shakes his head, his eyes wet even as he chuckles. "I do believe you were the most peculiar attachment yet. He would speak only of your exploits when we met. Your strength and your bravery. You were his favorite topic of discussion. I had not seen him so enthused, not since his mother passed. You truly inspired him." 

You shake your head, choking out a laugh. "He was the one who inspired me! He was always so passionate about everything. I wish I could muster half of the joy he had for life. Especially now that he's-now that he's... I'm sorry!" You sob, using your arms to scrub away at a violent flood of tears. "I should have done something! I should be the one gone, not him! Some hero I turned out to be!" Your voice hitches with sobs, even as Edmont reaches out a hand to touch your arm. 

His eyes are warm. Haurchefant may have taken after his mother's looks, but perhaps he has taken after his father in heart. You have not felt such kindness in any other quite like you've found in the heart of this family. You feel as if your own heart stops at his next question.

"You love him, don't you?" 

You had not wanted to admit those feelings. Not until he was safe in your arms. Alive. But here? When his father, who had taken you in when you had nowhere to go, asks such a question of you?  
You cannot lie to him. "I do."

He sighs, deep and long. "Dear child. Come here," You startle as he reaches out to you, pulling you against him in a warm embrace. Another sob shudders through you as you bury your face in his coat. "You smell like him." He pats your back gently. "Do I?" You nod. Your tears trickle to a stop as he comforts you. You feel as if this is the wrong way around. You should be comforting him. He lost his son. You lost... You don't even know how to place him. He was your friend. 

But you can't force him into that bracket alone. He was more than that. You had wanted to see what it could turn into. Everything had happened so fast, and you had lost your chance at building anything with him. He died in front of your eyes, and you could do nothing to stop it.

You pull back from the warmth of Edmont's embrace, drying your eyes with the back of your wrist. You have to be ready now. There's no going back from here. You've already made your decision. You're going to bring him back. No matter the cost. 

Edmont takes in the sight of you. Back straight, shoulders square, and determination flaring bright in your eyes. He smiles. "I see now, what my son saw every time he looked at you. You are a Warrior. You are ready, then?" You nod. There is no other choice. 

There's a fire burning inside of you now. "Show me his grave."

It's time to bring him back.


	4. Sometimes when you win, you lose

You leave Fortemps Manor with your head held high. Meeting the eyes of the Scions as they turn to stare at you. Y'shtola is frowning heavily, turning away with a shake of her head. Tataru still seems teary eyed. It is Alphinaud who approaches you, his expression cleared of shock but now expressing a mix of emotions you couldn't decipher. 

He motions with a tilt of his head, and you follow him as he walks. He leads you to a secluded area, away from prying eyes and ears. You wait patiently as he collects himself. You know he has a lot to say to you. You expect him to admonish you, just as Y'shtola did. You do not expect what you actually get. "I won't tell you how I think this is a terrible idea. I'm sure you already know all the ways this can go wrong. I will not demand you do as I say, how could I? I led us blindly into danger before, and you stood by my side even so." He's trembling slightly. You don't think it's from the cold. 

"I am sorry, if you ever felt that I did not appreciate you. If you felt used, or that you were just a tool. Warrior of Light you may be," He's crying. No, he can't do this to you now. You need to be strong. "But you have always been my friend, first and foremost. I needed you more than anything. You were always so strong. And I needed that so desperately." 

He grabs at your hands, head bowed, his tears dripping onto your hands clasped in his, "Please, tell me that you will be all right. That sacrificing your light will be enough for this trade." You squeeze his hands, shaking your head. "I can't. What if it isn't? I've never lied to you, Alphinaud. I won't start now." He lets out a sob, a soft breath of air that tugs at your heartstrings. 

You let out a shuddery sigh, reaching for him. You both end up sitting on your knees in the snow, Alphinaud wrapped in your arms. He squeezes you tightly, as if afraid you'll disappear. You have no way of knowing if you'll even survive this. You offer him this, in apology for what you are about to do. In thanks for all that he's done for you. You stroke your hands through his hair, making soothing sounds in your throat. Through all that you've stood by eachother, you sometimes forget that he is still just a young man. Hardly an adult at all. 

Right now he is just a boy. One hoping that his friend will not have to leave him. You want to stay. More than anything, you have to do this. You have to bring him back. It's selfish of you. Y'shtola was right on that part. But how selfless can you be? Who gets to decide when you get to be selfish? The Scions? The Ascians? No, only you can decide for yourself.

You need this. Need him. And you hope, and pray, that he will not hate you for bringing him back. What if he doesn't want to come back? What if he's with his mother? You close your eyes, clutching at Alphinaud tighter as tears drip down your cheeks. If he doesn't want to come back, you won't make him. It would be his choice, wouldn't it? 

You open your eyes, realization hitting you hard.

You need to speak to Hydaelyn. 

It's later, when you have time to yourself, shut safely away in a room just for you, that you call Midgardsormr. He appears in a flash of light, the forceful shifting of air making your ears pop. He's in his smallest form, better suited for indoors. "Thou hast called upon me. Speak, mortal. I shall listen."

You tell him. "Heh Heh Heh. Thou wishes to speak to Hydaelyn? So be it." His eyes flash a deep red. A pulse goes through you. You gasp, clutching at your chest in pain as the world fades away.

You open your eyes, finding yourself standing in the circle of crystals you've collected. The symbol of light shines brighly beneath your feet. You feel guiltly for something you have yet to do. Will She ever forgive you for what you intend to do? You close your eyes, tears burning behind your eyelids as her voice washes over you. 

"Warrior of Light, thou hast much in front of thee. Fate has dealt thee an unfortunate hand. In return, thou wouldst bend Fate to thine will?" You stare, eyes wide as She tells you without actually saying so, that she already knows what you will do. 

"I am so sorry, I have to do this. Please, forgive me," You stare down at the nothingness under your feet. How could she possibly forgive this gross misuse of power? You dally in powers you have no business with. Only She can decide whether to forgive you, or not.

"Dear child, there is nothing to forgive. Thou has light within thy heart, just believe in thyself; and thou shalt know peace." You shake your head, crying in the silence surrounding you. 

"Please, tell me. If I do this... Will it be his decision?" You need to know. You can't do this to him, if he has no choice in the matter. He may have been a part of your life, but it will have to be his decision whether he returns. You can't make it for him. You can't force him, no matter how much you need him. 

"Thy companion is aware, and though knowing true rest, will consent to return; should thy will it." A shocked breath of air rushes out of you. He knew? You feel relief, but also shame. So, he can see all that you've done, then. All that you've failed to do. The friends you could not save, just as you could not save him. You ache with loss. Will he forgive you for this? 

You shake your head, forcing a smile on your face. "That's all I needed to know. Thank you." A bright glow envelopes you, the fierce light causing you to shade your eyes. You blink, looking down at your body as the shine diminishes. "...What?"

"Dear child, it is mine hope that thou find happiness. Many a path lay before thee, but which shall thou choose to walk? Be well, my child." The world fades away again.

You blink your eyes open to find Midgardsormr watching you. "Thou hast found what thy needed?" You stare down at your hands, turning them over as you inspect yourself. What had Hydaelyn done? You sigh, looking up at Midgardsormr. "I have."

"Hmph. Thou wouldst continue on this path, then?" You meet his eyes. "I won't allow anyone to stop me. I've come too far." The dragon huffs. "I have seen such. Great darkness encroaches ever closer. Doth thou have the will to best it once more?" You furrow your brow, confused. 

"What do you mean you've seen...?" Your eyes widen. "You knew. This whole time. This whole time you knew all along!" You reach out to him, rage setting fire in your blood. He blinks out of existence, far from your reach. You cry out in anger. How dare he! How could he just let this happen?

You feel so angry. You want to destroy something. To wreck things, just as your life has been wrecked. You take several deep breaths, your heart still pounding away. You won't forgive him for this. 

You push your anger back. Swallowing the rage inside until all you feel is focused. You still have to prepare. You pack a bag, stowing things you will need inside. You need to visit him. One more time. Just one more, before you really do this.

You creep down the halls of Fortemps Manor, checking behind you often. You don't want to lead anyone here. This place is a secret kept amongst those of House Fortemps. And you intend for it to remain that way. If one of the Scions spot you... You fear they will try to stop you once the time comes. Soon. He'll be alive again. And you can tell him everything that you never had the chance to say. What you should have said. 

You push at a spot on the wall, a supposed dead end. The wall opens up, a stretch of space big enough for you to slip through. It's only when it closes behind you that you breathe a sigh of relief. You wait a few minutes, to make sure no one has followed you, before you continue. 

The path to the Masuoleum is a winding one. It would be very easy to get lost here, but you remember it from the one time Edmont showed you. It's too important that you don't get lost here. You forced yourself to remember all the twists and turns. Which door to go through, what hall to walk down. Where to stop. The order in which to pull the levers, to open the heavy ornate door guarding the tomb from prying eyes. 

You walk inside, the door slowly grating across the floor behind you as it closes. You cross the room to his grave, your boots echoing off of the walls as you do so. You brush your hand over his mother's grave as you pass it by. Thanking her silently for giving you the chance to meet her son. You wish you had thought to bring flowers. She must have been a great woman. You'll bring some next time. It is only right to pay your respects to her. Without her and his father both, you never would have had the chance to meet their son. 

You set your bag down at your feet. You need to talk to him before you do anything. "I don't know if you can hear me. Or if I'm just talking to the walls. Can you see me? Are you even there at all?" You sigh, closing your eyes. "I'm sorry for all the ways I've failed you. I thought that I could do it alone. I guess it turns out, I can't. I couldn't save my friends. I couldn't save you." 

You rest your hands against the cool stone of his casket. "I can't do this alone anymore. I thought it would be enough, if I just had what was left of the Scions with me. Alphinaud, in particular, has been so good to me. Tataru, too. It's just..." Your hands curl into fists. 

"It was you! I didn't realize until it was too late. I didn't know! You were dying in my arms, and I couldn't tell you!" Your voice is echoing loudly, bouncing off the walls to repeat your own words back at you. "I choked. I had the chance to tell you and I wasted it. I wanted to tell you everything. I wanted to thank you for all you had done for me." You're voice is strangled with tears now. Every word a hitching breath of a sob. "But in the end, I did nothing. Said.. nothing. And now you're just... gone." You scrub at your tears, sliding down from your standing position to lean against his coffin. 

You trace the engraving of his name with your fingers. Smoothing over the crest of his house. "I'm sorry. I know you wouldn't want to see me this way, but I just can't force a smile for you right now. "

You pull your bag closer to you, shifting through the contents. "Please don't hate me for this. I know you're probably with your mother, wherever you are. I hope she can forgive me, too. I..." 

You close your eyes, pressing your head against cold stone. "I'm going to bring you back. No matter what it takes." 

In the shadows of the Mausoleum, a cloaked figure watches. 

And waits.


	5. No light, no light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Through the crowd I was crying out and in your place there were a thousand other faces. I was disappearing in plain sight. Heaven help me, I need to make it right." -Florence and The Machine - No light, No light 
> 
> The moment of truth!

You feel the change in air pressure before you hear the soft popping sound. You don't turn. You know who it is. "I don't want to talk to you." You tell them, keeping your focus on the instructions in the spell book Matoya had decripted for you. 

Midgardsormr chuckles, low and deep. "Thou hast taken thy fate in thine own hands."

You tense, your hands tightening on the book doing nothing to quell the rage simmering inside of you. "You knew the whole time. And you said nothing. Content in letting the future come to pass without a word of warning. Why." You don't ask, you demand answers. He had known this would come to pass, and he did nothing to warn you. To help you prevent it. 

" 'Twas fated to be. I could not intervene, had I wished to or not. Thou wouldst hold a grudge even so?" You press your fingers into the book, hard. Smoothing a hand over the slightly wrinkled pages before turning to look at him. Your smile is brittle. "I would. Unless you have anything of value to say to me?" 

Midgardsormr manages to look offended even with a dragon face, "Hmph. So impudent thou hast become, mortal." You shrug your shoulders, unrepentant. What could he do to you that hadn't already been done? You have little left to lose now. 

"Have you come to take my light? I will find a way to bring him back, regardless." Midgardsormr shakes his head, eyes unblinking as they bore into you. "I have not come for such. Thou hast regained thy light, only to squander it once more. Is one mortal worth the cost of Her Grace?"

"He is worth everything to me." The dragon sighs, "Love is true weakness. Did thou not see what Love did to mine own daughter? Imprisoned forever, as she so wishes. Thou wouldst do the same? Twist the hand of Fate, to bring back the dead?" 

"I won't just twist it. I'll break it off, if need be." Did he think he could change your mind? 

You look to the book, grabbing a piece of chalk. Using the book as reference, you begin to draw on the floor. From memory, you draw out the symbol of light. Transference, his life for your light. You move in a circle, carving out what you need with every scrape of chalk against the ground. 

Midgardsormr watches, silently judging you the way only he seems capable of. Must be a dragon thing. "I have seen such magicks before. Thou thinkest thine capable of such? Hah. I wait in anticipation." You turn to stare at him with a frown. "If that's all you have to say? Feel free to leave. I don't need you here, if all you're going to do is scoff." You turn back to your work, finishing up with the chalk. 

You've got your base down. Now, for you. You unbutton your shirt, exposing your chest right over your heart. You dip your finger into the bowl of natural paint you had made, drawing carefully over your heart. You stare down at the book, deciding you had done it right. 

You walk over to his open coffin, not looking where his face should be. You can't stand to look at the way his body had decayed. If only you could have done this sooner. Now, he doesn't look like himself at all. He's just rot and bones. 

You grip your bowl, dipping your fingers in, and drawing the same symbol over his dress armor. Over where his heart should be. You try not to think what is actually underneath. 

You step back when you finish. Now all you have to do is harness your light. You walk to the center of your chalk configuration, stepping with care over every drawn line. You only have one shot at this. You can't mess it up. Settling in the middle, you drop down into a crosslegged position, blowing out a sigh. 

You close your eyes, breathing deep. You reach deep down inside, where you can feel that familiar warmth. You imagine it's like a tether, a coiled ball of energy connected to a cord that leads to Hydaelyn. You focus your mind's eye, gathering up the ball in your astral hands, and pushing with all your might in the direction you can feel that you've marked Haurchefant's body. 

At first there's nothing, just the warmth pulsing in your hands. Then, it begins to burn. You can feel it tugging in the center of your chest. As if you had run too hard, too fast. That feeling when you can barely breathe. You know you're real body must be gasping outside of this plane, here you can feel it, but it won't hinder you. 

It hurts, more than you could have ever imagined. More than getting a vision from the Echo. More than when Midgardsormr had taken your light. You suppose it is because you are forcing it away yourself, rather than it being taken from you. You can feel it moving, slow like a type of molasses. It's not going fast enough. You push harder, straining against the force of the light rebelling. It does not want to leave you. You force it, bracing your imagined feet, pushing out with your legs against the ground. 

Sound is screaming out around you. You thought it was the light, but it's actually you. You're the one screaming. And crying. Tears drip hot down your cheeks, as you force the thing you had worked so hard to obtain, out and away from you. 

You feel the tether unraveling, loosening it's grip in your chest. With one last agonizing yell, you force it away. You feel it tear itself loose from your chest. You slam back into reality, gasping desperately. The force of it has you spread out on the floor, laying on your back. You groan, feeling weaker than you've ever felt.

You feel hollow inside, gutted. Like someone had scooped out your insides. You lay there. Not knowing for how long. Only that you cannot muster the energy to sit up, let alone stand. 

"Did.. it.. work..?" You gasp, staring up at Midgardsormr. He hovers over you, turning his head to give you a dispassionate stare. He flies over to land on the edge of Haurchefant's coffin, staring down into it's depths. "The body is whole, but what of the mind?" He rumbles, turning his eyes to your place on the floor. "What do you mean?" You cough, raising shakily to an upright position. The body is whole... The mind? No. He couldn't mean.. No!

You stagger upright, scrambling on hands and knees until you find your feet. You run over to his casket, staring down into it. His body is whole again, not a blemish in sight. And his eyes...

By the twelve, his eyes... They're open. 

You reach out a hand, brushing just over his mouth. Nothing. He's not breathing. "No.. No!" A sob tears out of your throat as you stumble away, sinking down to the floor in tears. You did everything right. Still, you failed. You used up your light, and it wasn't enough. 

"I did everything right... It's gone. It's gone! This was my only chance. He's never coming back. And it's all my fault!" You bury your face in your hands, crying your heart out.

Midgardsormr lands next to you. You raise your head, staring down at him with tears in your eyes. "Where did I go wrong?" He shakes his head, sighing. " 'Twas not a fault of thy own. Fate shan't be trifled with. Would that I could change the Fate of mine own." 

You shudder, rocking back and forth as you hold in your tears. "Hydaelyn gave me Her blessing, and I wasted it. What am I supposed to do now?"

He flaps his wings, raising up to hover right in front of your face. "Thou shalt do what thy did the last time. Regain thy light." You nod, feeling emptied out. 

What was the point? 

You failed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "No light, no light in your bright blue eyes. I never knew daylight could be so violent. A revelation in the light of day. You can't choose what stays, and what fades away." - Florence and The Machine - No light, No light 
> 
> Ah, if this Fic could have it's own soundtrack, it would mostly be Florence and The Machine.


	6. All I wanted was you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "And I'd do anything to make you stay. No light, no light. Tell me what you want me to say."
> 
> You guys didn't think I would leave it there, did you? Nooo, I'm not that cruel. Here you go.

You stare down at him. Hardly blinking, just taking in the shape of his face. The way his hair falls. The color of his eyes. Tears slide down your cheeks, landing on softly on his face. "I'm sorry." 

You can't stop yourself from climbing inside his coffin. Settling against him as if to sleep. You bury your face in his clothes. It's not a pleasant smell. They smell musty, and like rot. Underneath that, thanks to your sacrifice; worthless as it was, you can smell him. What he smelled like before. You curl your hand around one of his, wishing he could hold you back.

You're half asleep, drifting deeper, when his body twitches beneath you. His fingers curling slightly in your grip.You sit up, eyes wide as he twitches again. You can feel yourself start to hyperventilate as you watch in desperate hope. You press a hand against him, pulling back as he twitches under your hand. You stare down at your hand before pinching yourself. Hard. 

It hurts, but you feel so relieved you start to cry. This isn't a dream. This is actually happening. 

His eyelids are fluttering, head tossing left to right. 

His eyes blink hard. When they open again, they're no longer blank like they were before. You hold a hand over your mouth, tears welling up in your eyes as you force yourself not to close them. 

His first breath steals yours. He's coughing, gasping underneath you. Like he doesn't know how to breathe. How to be alive again. You reach out a trembling hand to touch his face. His frantically rolling eyes lock onto you, holding your gaze. "I was... I... What did you...?"

You turn to look at Midgardsormr, who had been hovering nearby. You had tried to make him leave. He had refused. You're thankful for that stubbornness now. "Please, I need you to go find Count Edmont. He needs to be here." The dragon nods, disappearing in a suction of air and a flash of light. 

"Was that a...?" You give a watery smile, nodding. "Dragon? Yes, it was. You missed quite a bit, while you were..." Your face crumples as you grip at his arms, sliding your hands over his chest to rest over his heart. It's thumping wildly under your hand. You've had dreams like this before. Never this realistic. Please let this be real. You don't think you could bare it, if you wake alone. 

His arms raise up, muscles shaking with spasms from not moving for so long. You're amazed he can move at all. His hands curl around your arms, eyes unblinking as he looks at you. You meet his eyes, taking in every minute detail. Every twitch his face makes. The flutter of an eyelash, the feel of his breath as he inhales and exhales, his lips as he parts them to speak to you. 

"How did this happen? How am I...?" His eyes widen, looking at your exhausted face. His eyes dip down, taking in the paint you had not bothered to wipe from your chest. The same symbol that is painted on his own. He shakes his head, mouth dropped in shock. 

"What have you done? You should not have! You should not have," Haurchefant gasps, his fingers gripping your biceps tightly as he shakes you. "I know, I know! I did it anyway," You sob, clutching at him greedily. It worked. You did it. He's alive. He's alive! 

"You sacrificed..." He looks at you with a mix of joy, pain, and overwhelming confusion. "Dear heart, why? Why would you do such a thing? You are worth more than I, do you not see? Your trade was not even! You give up too much!" He's angry with you. No, no! This was not how it was supposed to be. 

"No! You're worth everything to me! I would give it up again, just to see your face. You were the only one who was actually there, for me! Not just for what I could do for you. Don't you get it?" You sob out a harsh, grating sound. "Everything was slipping away from me. I needed you! They took you away from me and I had to fix it before it was too late."

His face twists, a look on his face you never want to see again. As if he's afraid to be happy about being alive. Two minds about what you had done. "You gave too much. You do not know what you have done." He sighs, struggling into an upright position. You help him, his head dipping down to rest in the crook of your neck. His breath is hot against your neck as he whispers his next words."She told me to tell you that she forgives you," You freeze, staring at him in shock. "What? Who told you to say that?"

He raises his head to look at you, eyes oh so blue, and sad for you.

"Hydaelyn. She said you would not be able to regain your light until the darkness was wiped clean. What does that mean to you?" You stare blankly, your mind racing a mile a minute. "I'll be vulnerable to the Ascians. I won't be able to protect you should they show up. But how can I wipe the darkness clean, if I have no way to fight them?" 

He shakes his head, trembling as he leans against you. Neither of you have the answer to that question. You stare down at his silver hair, raising a hand to slide your fingers through it. You can tell him now. It's just the two of you. "I... I wanted to tell you... I've had all this time to think and yet, I can't even think of the words." He leans his head back, a soft smile curling his lips. 

You duck you head, embarrassed. "I should have told you before. But everything happened so fast, and then you..," Your voice cracks, and you cannot finish. His hands slide from your arms to curl around you. You shudder against him, ducking your head to breathe in the scent of his hair. 

"I am here now, thanks to your efforts. Take all the time you need, my dear. I'm not going anywhere." His voice is so sweet to hear, after being without it for so long. Still, you're mad at yourself. He's right in front of you, yet you still cannot confess what you held back for so long. 

The door grates open behind you, Count Edmont rushing through with his two sons in tow. He stops short, his sons halting just behind him. "You did it." You drag your eyes away from Haurchefant to look at him, a helpless smile curling your lips at the relief on his father's face. 

Both of his sons rush to steady him as he wavers on his feet, hands gripping tight to his cane. "I had hoped for this outcome fiercely. But I didn't dare dream that it would come to pass." You drop your eyes, understanding what he meant. "Forgive me, I did not mean to doubt you. But to do such a thing... To even try and then to succeed, at that. You are a true marvel." You shake your head, pressing a hand to your chest.

"It wasn't me, not really. I was just a vessel containing what truly brought him back to you. Hydaelyn is the one you should thank. Without Her blessing, I don't know how I would have done this." You don't want his thanks. You did this for purely selfish reasons. Had he forbid you, it would have mattered naught. You would have done it anyway. You thank the twelve that he had not done so. Without him informing you of Haurchefant's true grave, what would you have done? 

You push those dark thoughts away. What did it matter now? It had actually worked. For a while, you had thought all hope lost. 

Edmont walks towards you, sons trailing behind with obvious concern. The only sound is the tapping of his cane as he draws near. You look up at him, his son still cradled in your arms. His eyes are wet when they meet your own. "Hydaelyn's power it may have been. Were it not for you, my son would not be alive to rest in your arms. Please, do not refuse my gratitude. I have much to be thankful for. And it is you whom I intend to thank." 

Haurchefant raises his head from your shoulder, his voice soft as he addresses his family. "Father, forgive me. I had made such grand promises before we left that day." Edmont raises a hand, shaking his head. "My son, you have naught to apologize for. You did what you thought best. You saved the life of your fine companion here. In return, they have brought you back."

He smiles, looking years younger as he stares at the face of his son. "You are hale and whole, and I have none else to thank but your dear Warrior of Light. Come now, my dear boy. We should leave this place. It is cold here, and I think a warm fire and a mug of hot chocolate to be in your near future. Would you not say so?" You can't hold back a grin as Haurchefant laughs in your arms. "Indeed, Father. That would be welcome."

Artoirel and Emmanellain rush to help, supporting Haurchefant between the two of them from under his arms as they pull him from his coffin. You watch, heart warm yet aching, as the whole family comes together in a hug. "It is good to have you back, old boy." Emmanellain says, his voice choked with tears. Haurchefant chuckles, ruffling a hand through the smaller Elezen's hair. "It is good to be back, dear brother." Artoirel is next, not quite crying the way the youngest brother was, but still emotional. "I had my doubts, forgive me that. What has been done may yet have unforeseen consequences. Yet I cannot begrudge our friend for doing such. Brother, I am truly thankful for your return." Haurchefant smiles, squeezing his family tighter. 

Edmont huffs, "Enough, children. We keep our friend waiting with this emotional display. Emmanellain, if you would please, help our friend. I can tell just by looking at (her/him) that exhaustion is too light a word for what (she/he) must be feeling."

Well, he's not wrong. You feel weak as a day old kitten, if this is what day old kitten's felt like. Your limbs are trembling with exhaustion. You've done what you had worked so hard to do, and now your body is telling you it is time to rest. You blink rapidly, forcing yourself to stay awake as Emmanellain comes to your aid. You grab his hands as he offers them to you, using him for balance as you climb over the coffin. You stumble as you land on your feet, but Emmanellain is there to catch you before you land on your face. 

He kneels in front of you, looping your arms over his shoulders as he raises up. Carrying you draped over his back. He carried your weight easily. Must be a family thing. You snort out a laugh, delirious from lack of sleep. "Where was this strength before? You could have been a knight." Emmanellain huffs, offended. "I have always been strong, I'll have you know. Not quite as strong as you turned out to be, old (girl/boy). But strong enough."

You sigh, staring through drooping eyes at the backs of Artoirel and Haurchefant. "I did it." You say, so soft that only Emmanellain hears you. "You did, old (girl/boy). You have my deepest thanks. There is naught we can do, to repay such a debt that we owe to you." You shake your head, silent tears dripping down your cheeks. "No debt. He's alive. That's the greatest gift I could ever receive." Emmanellain turns his head to look at you, eyes wider than usual. "You truly care for him. Why do you not tell him so?"

You flush, embarrassed and frustrated all at once. "I try to. I keep trying." But you never get the chance to finish. 

Edmont leads you through his home, using twists and turns you'll never be able to remember in this state. You eventually find yourself in a spacious room. A roaring fire crackles in the fire place. You felt warmed as soon as he'd opened the door. Emmanellain sets you gently on a plush couch. You lean against the cushions, more tired than you've ever felt. Atoirel stands in front of you, crouching down to meet your blurry eyes. "We're taking our brother to get cleaned up, you needn't worry. He'll back back before you know it." You nod, eyes drooping heavily as he speaks to you.

Haurchefant is back in your line of sight when you open your eyes again. He's changed into clothes appropriate for sleep, hair still damp from a bath. You fell asleep? You raise a hand to rub at your tired eyes, a blanket you hadn't realized was curled around you falling to your waist.

He's staring at you. A cup of cocoa clutched in his bare hands, a blanket resting over his shoulders. "I have never had the pleasure to see your sleeping face. Forgive me if I overstep my bounds." You shake your head, smiling sleepily. He could do anything right now. Invade your personal space. Whatever he wanted. You're happy just looking at him. Just knowing he's alive. 

That you hadn't failed him. "It isn't a dream?" You ask him, laying down on your side. He shakes his head, setting his mug down on the table in front of him. You blink as he stumbles over to you, still having trouble getting around. He sits right next to your head, reaching out a hand to touch you. You let out a soft sigh as his hand smooths over your brow. 

He pulls back as you touch his hand, hesitant. "Stay?" You whisper, meaning so much in that one word. "Of course," He replies, sliding gentle fingers over your brow. "Forever?" You mumble, half asleep. He pauses for a second. You grunt, missing his soothing touch. "Come back." You reach a hand up, eyes still closed, to pull his hand back down towards your face. 

"Stay." You say, more of a command than anything. He chuckles softly, continuing the gentle motion of his fingers. "Anything you want." Anything?

"Just you," You murmur, dropping off to sleep. 

He has been all you've wanted for a long time now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a promise. That I would try my best to give this story a happy ending. It's in the works. But remember what Midgardsormr and Hydaelyn said? WoL still has a path to walk, but will they pick the right one? Dun dun duuuun. I hope this chapter makes up for all the sadness I made you feel. I'm sorry to say that more sadness will probably follow. Because this was not a fluffy story to start with.


End file.
